Thursday, December 31, 2009

What do these three guys have in common?

Jeremy Young

Victor Norlander

and Nils Butler...

They like boys! Yay.

Wheres the champagne?

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Am I the only one to find this funny?

"Teenager kills 9 year old to see what it felt like"

"Alyssa Bustamante, a 15-year old girl that is accused of the murder of a 9-year old girl has been indicted and will be tried as an adult..." "Bustamante allegedly plotted out the killing, then strangled, stabbed and cut the throat of her young neighbor Elizabeth Olten...." "Why did she do it? "Ultimately, she stated she wanted to know what it felt like,” Missouri State Highway Patrol Sgt."

Am i the only one to laugh after reading the title of the article?

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Yet Another Exciting Prospect

I have no plans for new years eve.

I am the most boring seventeen year old to ever live.

Maybe i shall stay cooped up in my nest and rely on rhythmic pulsations of my speaker to carry me through the night.

P.S. I hurt my finger whilst trying to put on a boot. One hell of a boot it was.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Tyra Show Calling It Quits.

It is coming to a close after it's fifth season.
I'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing. My perception of her has been one long rollercoaster. I think I'm finally starting to gain some respect for that woman, shes one amazingly savvy business person.

Great timing eh?

Saturday, December 26, 2009

The feeling returns...

after several years.

I'm so angry.

There's a good reason why i never let down my guard and allow myself get close to anyone, even on a platonic basis.

Monday, December 21, 2009


I didnt make Ultimo (fashion design).

I'm on stand by.

I now have a whole year to my disposal.

Victorian Gothic Fun

It took me about 4 hours to get to the photographers place for hair and makeup, but it was definitely worth it.

All seven models were super fun and we shot in front of a court house. We were to pretend there was a love triangle with the other girls gossiping. I was the man that was blindly in love with my wife (in the gold and red) whilst being spiteful toward the 'token hot guy'.

Heres a snippet of what went on behind the scenes:

Fun fun.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009


I am relieved that my ATAR was actually significantly higher than my estimate.

Coming in at around 30% within the whole state seems pretty alright to me..

However, my mother seems to disagree... Screamy fit time! =D

Monday, December 14, 2009

Forgive me father for i have sinned...

I ate two large bowls of rice.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Figuring It Out

I've finally bought a pair of shoes that make me look tall enough when paired with super skinny jeans; usually i look like a midget when wearing thm because the proportions look odd...


But uh, wearing pointed leather shoes daily in Sydney is just a bit too dressy.

What does this mean? My proportions are suited for life in New York City? It must be my calling.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Happy (Hysterical) Holidays

Click click clik!

The model who looked like he's high on cocaine is just the cherry on top of a wonderful supposed holiday.


Check it out:

JD's face was HYSTERICAL.. especially when he's next to Emina hahah.

Love love love! <3

Friday, December 4, 2009


Today, someone asked me out..
I got gastro an hour before.


Saturday, November 28, 2009

A Warn on Track 1

I am one to lead a fast paced life.
"Cue music, lights up.. and Jack, go."

However, this does not happen for me. Why?
The plank is in front of me, but the lineup is missing, the speakers are dead and the lights have blown.

I never get to the stage where there is a warn on the soundtrack.

This week, all i have planned is an interview with Ultimo Tafe for their Fashion Design Course. Thrilling.

Maybe it's time to hold a casting call...

Monday, November 23, 2009


Topshop is open in Oxford St, Sydney!

I went there with Dougie last week,
This is a piece by Kate Moss.

Now, time to deal with that money issue...

Sunday, November 22, 2009


In looking back at my previous posts, i must sound like a miserable obese person suffering from anorexia nervosa to an outsider. In all honestly, when it comes down to crunch time, i'm really not that obsessive over my weight, nor am i always such a negative nancy. This space is merely a form in which i can release my insecurities and emotions, and sometimes also create posts with my strange sense of humour oddly threaded through the dialogue.


Anyway, today i bumped into Leiden K from Scene Models again. She is SO SKINNY now. You may be thinking that this is a start to another rant on my oh so devastating struggle i have with anorexia, and you may be about right. With her being 6'1 and rail thin, It's a slap in the face. TIME TO GET BACK INTO PEAK CONDITION.

So Uppy and i are going to just wing a shoot on Thursday. That should be interesting - lugging a suitcase around the CBD, changing in public and posing on public property. I hope it's not going to be 40degrees yet again, Uppy wants to shoot me in a mink coat.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Spin, Spin.

I am once again, friendless, ugly and fat. Life is truly a cycle, as i have reverted to the same person i was 6 years ago.

People, once again, seemingly cannot surpass the threshold to my personality and they judge purely on face value. Even some people who already know me seem to act this way.

As my values and attitudes progress, theirs do not. They are not able to accept my new self, nor am i willing to compromise. Hence, we drift.

As subtle the word drift may sound, for me, it is truly quite sudden. Everyone slowly establishes an emotional disconnect with me, yet on the surface, they're peaches and cream. Then, at one given point and time, i do something which causes a social avalanche. They either all just drop off the face of the earth or treat me with hostility.

Ah the cycle begins once again. Time to find new friends, establish myself in new territory and hopefully nothing disastrous happens.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

I feel like Gemma Ward

Oh come to me, the force of liposuction.

I am so confused. I have been following my infamous, infamous diet, of which resulted me in being labeled anorexic by many (AND as opposed to before, i've been excercising), yet I've been exponentially gaining weight. I've even lost definition in my arms.

Through my 4unitmathexpert calculations, i shall officially become overweight by April next year.

But for some reason, i doubt my obesity photos will land on the desk of BryanBoy.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Bittersweet Motivation

For some odd reason, I'm tempted to get off my ass and shoot right this moment.

Maybe it's because i don't want to become stagnant, now that all of high school is officially over.

Suddenly, though, I'm hit with a pang of pessimism. If Platform doesn't even want an interview with me anymore, who would? How am i going to build my career if I remain a freelancer forever?

Shall i just take the safe path and go to Tafe and work in retail on the side?

The end of my HSC brought so much optimism and joy, but now, its consists of much uncertainty.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Babbling on about art.

Today, i came to the realisation that i will no longer be getting a band six for my HSC art result. I realised, only about five hours after the exam, that i bullcrapped more than half the first section due to the fact that i couldnt recall any art agencies and how i was supposed to write about them, nor i did not understand the image given to me in another question.

Yay, no ArtExpress for me. Apparently i was a 'promising' student.

I then ran off to Calvin Klein and got my first luxury peice of non apparel. I shall not reveal what it is yet, for it shall be debuted at the formal.
I just hope i dont throw it into the spa whilst i'm in my little drunken mode during the after party or something.

I now feel like i have completed my journey toward academic failure. Hooray.

Friday, November 6, 2009

It has come to the point where...

diet alone isn't going to cut it for my body.

I've always been quite the lazy one when it comes to taking care of my body - i used to only eat about 5000kj a day and that kept me quite slim. However, now that I've taken on more food on a daily basis and I've also been doing weights, I've built quite the amount of muscle that I'm satisfied with. With that, though, came quite a bit of fat and I'm not fitting my clothes properly now. I really have to step up my game and cut down on the junk food, focus on maintaining a high protein diet and do some cardio. I have never bothered with cardio in my life, but ive concluded that in order to maintain my muscle mass, i can not cut down on my food intake, so i have to find another way to burn allll those kilojoules i consume.

Yay!! A life chained to the treadmill. I never seem to have the right balance of work and play. I used to obsess over the amount of kilojoules i would eat in a day and now i have to get off my ass and run. Sounds like a plan.

Oh the sacrifices i make for my own vanity.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009


Turns out a sales manager liked my fake ad and now im featured on the Avon youtube channel.


Midnight Project

So i know this blog is usually rants about models or school, but i decided to do something i haven't done in a while, a voice over.

Yes, i actually used to do voice overs. In fact, i wasn't all slim and pretty as i am now and i did have other ambitions. For example, a train driver when i was 4, an architect when i was 12, a newsreader when i was 14 and so on.

So here is the result:

The music, choice of images and slide were all done by me, along with the voice, of course.

By the way, this video came out of a creative spur i suddenly had after hearing my friend's ad for Avon on the radio.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009


Freya Beha: NO STOPPING?!
Magdelena: WTF#&@^$?!?!
Freya Beha: $(*#$%%^@!!!!!
Natalia: *pulls funny face and shrugs*

Ahaha i love watching raw moments.

Who is this person?!??!

He looks SOOO familiar!

I'm sure I've seen him on a cover or ad campaign before, but now i'm thinking it might have been somewhere else i shall not disclose.


If you're anything like me, you'd probably understand why I'm so baffled at this picture. [As in i found this whilst browsing through GWiP]

If he's a model.. then WHY?!?!?!?!? What's he trying to say??

EDIT: Okay, after some severe detective (stalk) work, I've found out that he is Tyler Davin. He's done a few covers for DNA and Mens Health and whatever. I should have known he was a fitness/glam boy.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

So I've decided..

that Shanghai is no longer on my destinations list for when i go to China next month.

Why? Shanghai would be purely for work. With already 11 agency interviews planned out in Hong Kong, I'm not sure how productive it would be since the Shanghai agencies are pretty much the same ones in HK.

So with 11 agencies lined up over there, I'd be a tool not to get signed. However, this whole agency thing is slightly overwhelming for me because if i do get signed, i'll be staying in China for a year or so with most probably no visits to Australia. Plus, im leaving with no formal goodbye and with no clue as to what the future holds.

On a similar note, my mum wants to holiday in China for 35 days! Obviously i'd be staying in China for an extended period of time if i did sign a contract, but 35 days for a holiday makes me a little nervous. A month away from what i call home is so... scary!

Well, either way, i'll be shitting my pants once the plane departs from Sydney.

The Queensland Boys

So here's another midnight rant from your favorite insomniac!

It's currently 2:27am and i need to get up early tomorrow to do makeup for a shoot in Mosman but my sleeping patterns are severely messed up.

As per usual, I'm trolling through Model Mayhem, this time, noticing that all the athletic Gold Coast boys hang out together! All of them!! How strange is that?!

Why cant we have all the slim, editorial guys hang out together here in Sydney? Is it because we have 2 kabajillion of them and competition is fierce? Is it because Sydney is too much work and not enough play? Is it because us editorial kids are all stuck up skanks?

We should totally get together and play footy together!
...Oh wait. We don't do that do we? Coffee and Cigarette fueled gossip sessions are only so good for a certain amount of times before we screw ourselves over with our mouths and the claws come out.

Well i guess i just answered my own question!

PS: Actually the real reason is probably because I'm out of the social circle altogether. I only just came up with that solution about 15 minutes after i wrote the blog. Smart cookie, i am.

I'm a racist gay person

I may or may not have had a small tiff over something completely trivial with someone who I'm sure is a genuinely kind person.

Oh who am i kidding?! That person deserves to die a horribly painful death. Both him and his sidekick. It angers me SO SO much that when we, as a discriminated kind, come together as a community in order to find social acceptance, we somehow still find ways to discriminate.

Today, for example, i lost my temper at someone who was completely condescending toward me in relation to the way i dress. This person somehow came to the conclusion that i shop at low end retailers without any supporting evidence. As petty as this may seem and as much as i do actually shop in all types of fashion stores, he really did cross the line. I know i shouldn't have gotten angry over such an insignificant issue, however this person continually puts other people down and he has his little side kick backing him up. Plus, people oblivious to his bitchy remarks have been completely defensive of him when people react. Its just extremely frustrating for me seeing people come into a community built solely for the purpose of supporting others, whilst they continue to discriminate regardless of this.

I have seen other examples where, out of sheer ignorance, there has been discrimination over race, class, physical attributes and whatever the hell else they can think of with people in the same community. This strikes me as extremely stupid and hypocritical, that we're together because we're being descriminated against, yet they still discriminate againts others because they fail to see past social steriotypes and poorly judged generalisations.

So, basically, i think the world sucks right now.


PS: I'm not actually a racist gay person. It's just an oxymoron i thought was suitable for this post.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Sporty and Wholesome

I think i have somewhat undermined my ability to book a variety of jobs. The words 'sporty' and 'wholesome' have come up in a brief.

It scares me to tears because this sporty concept is new to me and and its damn obvious i have a tiny, if not, no chance of getting picked because i think I've taken my portfolio in an extremely editorial direction.

Come onnn!!! I can do sporty and wholesome!!! my own kooky, editorial way.

My faulty email service...

meant that there was a failure to notify me of any new emails for all of yesterday and this morning. Therefore, i was metaphorically oblivious to the movement of the earth and i was left sitting in my computer chair thinking that my work and social circles had become stagnant.

So at 2am in the morning, out of sheer boredom, i checked my own Model Mayhem page and noticed a new tag.

Visit , I'm sure you'll be able to guess what that tag was about.

That picture is pretty damn smouldering, if i do say so myself.
Anyway, I was so flattered/excited that i couldn't fall asleep until 3:30am.

Long live insomnia.

EDIT: The background image has been taken off. Oh well, at least it ran for a few days.

Monday, October 26, 2009

It's been a while...

since I've blogged partially, as most of you should know, because of my HSC. For those of you who dont know what the HSC is, - shifty eyes- its pretty much University entrance exams, or High School Certificate.

So, what else have i been up to other than trying to study (procrastinate) my ass off? You may ask.

Well, i have been tweeting with Bruna Tenorio. Yes. THE Bruna Tenorio who has multiple campaigns under her belt including one with Anna Sui, and she's walked Versace like 4 times.
She's thuper duper nice!

However, i have NOT been booking test shoots, been receiving test shoot prints and CDs back, neither have i submitted to Platform yet.

Cmon Jysla Kay, maths will be over today! We can book a reshoot!

Monday, October 19, 2009



Simon Nessman

One of the very, very few men who can potentially ruin my life by making me feel horrible about myself.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Guess who Gucci sues? Just Guess.

By Erik Larson

May 6 (Bloomberg) -- Gucci Groups U.S. unit sued Los Angeles-based Guess? Inc. for trademark infringement, accusing the apparel company of using a network of wholesale buyers to sell imitations of Guccis best-selling designs.

Guess allegedly sells knockoffs of Guccis famous green-red-green stripe designs and interlocking GG patterns on footwear, wallets and other accessories, according to a complaint filed today in federal court in New York.

Gucci, the luxury company owned by Paris-based PPR SA, said the products are part of a sophisticated and elaborate scheme to target Gucci, to create products that are similar in appearance to the most popular and best-known Gucci products.

Guess sells the alleged imitations through its own retail stores as well as factory outlets, Web sites and a vast network of third-party companies that buy the disputed goods wholesale, Gucci said in its complaint. The company has more than 1,000 stores, according to its Web site.

Guess has replicated entire Gucci product designs, to the point that there appears to be a concerted effort to Gucci-ize defendants product line, Gucci alleges.


Thursday, October 15, 2009


It was so close, i could almost taste it.
Then it was taken away after much indecision.

Because of something i cant change.

"You only need to grow three centimeters, then you can come back"

I need a miracle to happen.

SO CLOSE to one of the top editorial agencies in Australia.
It just made the fall even more painful.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

You're too small honey.

So today, i was in the CBD with Blakeybear.

We stopped off at Priscillas. I felt so STUPID because i didnt know how to enter the building. I kept pressing the intercom buttons and no one came. Finally, after about 10 minutes of flailing my arms around and whinging to Blake, i CALLED them and an agent came through the front door (that looked like a window) and spoke to me for 2 minutes. He asked for my height and double took when i told him i was 180 (LOL), looked through my book and referred me to Platform and Scoop. GREAT START!

Then i walked all the way from Priscillas in Potts Point, to Double Bay where Viviens is. I was told to have a seat as the receptionist talked to an agent there. I was informed that Florence (whos in charge of the mens board) isnt here, but the other agent looked through my book anyway and told me to email *this* *this* and *this* shot to her. Thats a start, right?

..Yeah. After that, i walked allll the way to Chic (scoop) at ..i dont even know where it was. I just remember a lot up hill hiking and it took about 30minutes. Luckily, Blake had a navigator on his phone so i was able to get there. Their office is so out of the way! I got in and saw a few of the new girls getting polaroids taken. Theyre so slim omg. I went into the commercial division of Chic, an agent stood up and told me 'youre too small, honey." LOL. I told her i was 180 and so i ended up being measured. Then she told me the mens board is super competitive so she couldnt take me on. YAY.

THEN we pranced all the way to Oxford street, where i met a fellow model called James at the Diesel store. He gave me all the scoop on Scene agency and what not. Quite juicy, i must admit. I now think i know why certain.. people.. are.. acting the way they are *cough*.

ANYWAY. I emailed Florence. Lets hope i get signed with Viviens!


"Cheer up, you're awesome"

A bit hard when im surrounded by amazingly gorgeous people.

I feel so inadequate.

And to top it all off, i have go sees with Viviens and Priscillas tomorow. The future looks BLEAK.


Monday, October 12, 2009


Hahaha Doutzen is so cute!

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Scoop Management

I was advised by an amazing photographer to try scoop, the commercial division of Chic. Yes. A commercial agency. Screw fashion up the ass.

Anyway, I emailed them and five minutes later i get a reply from one of their agents saying that im not suitable for their agency. Thats all fine, but i cracked up when i read how generically sugarcoated the response was.

"Thank you for your interest in Scoop management. Unfortunately, although you are very beautiful, we are not able to take you on at this time. Being a boutique agency, there is quite a specific look we are after that best pertains to our particular client base."

Although i am very beautiful eh. Ah well, i'll give it another shot after i lose the 5 kilograms after procrastinating on it for the past 3 months.


Thursday, October 8, 2009


Interview with Moda Management on monday at 12.

I'm not suuureeee what ima do cuz Moda is dodgy/I am dodgy. LOL.

Kill me now.


I had a test shoot today. It involved lots of styling experiments, tons of layering, me absorbing the technicality in studio lighting and lashings of Hedi Slimane for Dior Homme.

The 1h30mins of travelling paid off. The amazing photog was great technically and he was great at directing me. We both knew that i'd struggle in a studio with boring white walls, but he helped me out and unakwardized it all.

Thank you Mr Kent Marcus!


Fashion vs. Alternative

So there are some out there who think i should be a Fashion/Alternative Hybrid when it comes to modelling.

Everyone knows what fashion modelling is, but lets break down what Alternative modelling means. According to Wiki,
"Alternative modelling is a branch of the modelling industry that features models who do not conform to mainstream ideals of beauty. Alternative models are often niche-specific, with a personal style that represents subcultures like goth, burlesque, latex and fetishism."

So basically I'm ugly, yet skanky/kinky.. yet.. high fashion?



Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Sessilee vs. Chanel [part2]

Now i have video proof. TEEHEE

"Eniko, dont play!"

Thats all.

So today..

I was scouted by Moda Model Management.

At the moment, i'm sort of in my doubt phase. Maybe it was my knowledge of the industry that got them to scout me - to save face - because every informed individual should know modelling/acting courses are bullshit.

Admittedly, they are a legit agency. But im still a bit iffy on them. UGH.

SOMEONE give me some answers. PLEASE.

I hope i get a callback soon.


Monday, October 5, 2009

I haven't thought about it for a while..

but maybe it is time to slam down the breaks.

All the planning I've done in the past, maybe it was for a valid cause.
All these thoughts of the past have resurfaced.

The road ahead looks bleak.
Maybe it is time to stop the engine.

Sunday, October 4, 2009


people actually read my blog eh?

Well for those of you who like to do little bit of talking, i think you may be disappointed to find that i have cut out cigarettes from my life. Maybe not forever (who knows the future eh) but definitely for the time being.

On another note, IM PISSED OFF!! I accidentally double booked Wednesday. IM SORRY ROSA!! i have to bug Kent to let me off early haha. UGH. Actually no, i'll have to work my ass off and get the shots quickly and hope that styling dosent fuss over me too much. LAME.


Friday, October 2, 2009

Back it comes

I'm testing once again. Not wise right before my exams i know, but seriously, they mean nothing to me. I still do want to do well, but really, they're not really helping me all that much.

I'm booking as much work as i can these holidays, plus sending in submissions to all the major players here in Sydney.

My next test is on wednesday. Why is there a lack of stylists here in Sydney? My wardrobe does not compensate for the amount of test shoots i have. I mean i have my own style of clothing and some pieces are versatile, but you can only play around with one look so many times. Speaking of which, i must get my formal shoes on Tuesday now, because i would probably need them for the shoot.

On wednesday, i shall morph myself into a hybrid of images from Blade and Matrix with gothic influences.
An image from the inspiration board.

It shall be interesting. I haven't shot in a studio in a while.



It's suddenly hit me that i shall never see some of my beloved friends ever again. I shall not be in this preprepared environment, where everyone is put together.

It didn't hit me when i graduated, it didn't hit me on our last day at the picnic. So why now?

Well, Debbie deactivated her facebook account. Petty, it seems. However, it was in a way, symbolic, yet still very literal for me.
She shut the door of communication between us (and others of course, but im ranting on from my perspective). She was one of the very few people i truly appreciated, yet i would probably never see her again in the future , like many other people - I'm not being pessimistic, im being realistic.

I guess this is almost like an official goodbye from me, except no one is here to listen.

I really did enjoy my time at Girraween. It was one of the best experiences in my life.

Jack Huang

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Out with the new. In with the old.

I was supposed to stop smoking today.

I had two when i was out with a friend.

I hate myself.

Finished my pack - not buying a new one.

Gonna go swimming at least twice a week and run twice a week.

And do weights 4 times a week.

Come back to me, oh habits of the past.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

It's hit me.. [edited]

I was discussing the idea of a test shoot together with Uppy.

*Edit: deleted content - IM NOT A SHIT MODEL!*

Im hoping to do a test with her, where i shall be among tall tall grass in amazing natural light. The styling shall be effortless and neutral. Like this:


Looks effortless dosent it? Well.. it aint gonna be easy.
Lets just hope i dont kill someone, haha.


PS: *sigh* Chad White is just pure perfection. I shall never, ever forget him.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Versace Spring Summer 2010

With a large dosage of technical fabric, perforated leather, metal and heavy, loud prints, it seems like this season, Donatella chose to take a back seat in pushing the house forward. Instead, 80s are once again, a prevalent theme with many of the pieces carrying the aura of old school Versace.


She went so far as to create a transparent plastic miniskirt! At least vintage Versace fanatics and old clientele will be happy *Paris Hilton, I'm looking at you*.


Despite the ressurection of Gianni and trashy DV, some of the design concepts in the end with the geometric evening gowns are refreshing, and upon closer inspection, the workmanship in many of the pieces are phenomenal.


Quite a lineup of models were featured. There were two aussies - Skye Stracke and Abbey Lee Kershaw, who opened and closed the show. They also had one black model - Chanel Iman (ironic that im writing about her in a positive light eh?).

Of course, the regulars like Natasha, Lily (who both looked a little chunky in a poorly chosen garments) and Vlada were there.


Speaking of Vlada, is it just me or does it seem like EVERYONE is going a lighter shade of blonde (or going blonde if they werent before)? Vlada, Carmen, Kasia.. WHATEVER. The only model who hasnt fallen under the pressure of uniformity on the runway is Karlie Kloss. She went a shade darker in brown.


Naomi and Tyra all over again

According to Grazia, Sessilee Lopez was chucking a tantrum - throwing chairs and screaming at people backstage Jeremy Scott and Nathan Jenden during London Fashion Week.

She recently tweeted:
"I am over the b.s"
"I feel like a fool and it hurts so bad"
"Blah blah blah blah sounds good but I'm over it"

Why? You may ask.

Well, her mummy steps into the picture and reveals all with a tweet to Chanel Iman saying "u shouldn't try to sabotage the other black models. It's bad karma. Don't b friends only in front of the cameras."

Real classy, girls.


Lawrence Stiers


His 'other' name is Mike Kegelman; stalkers, eat your heart out (i wont even bother explaining HOW i ended up finding this out).
He is listed as 6'2 but is really 194cms tall which is 6'4.
He was also a 'regular hot kid' until 06, when he signed with Major.

Nice to know SOMEONE worked their ass off for at least 3 years before walking for someone like Dolce & Gabbana. *Jesus Luz, im looking at you*

Cole Mohr in a speedo?



nom nom ;)

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Sweet Taste of Yesterday

It seems like both trivial and more significant things have become less enjoyable. I don't find as much satisfaction in what used to get me ecstatic.

I believe social dynamics play a large part in this.

Maybe it's because of myself and my environment. I have no where i truly belong to anymore, possibly because i am now a hybrid between femmeboy-fashionfreak and regular guy with straight tendencies.
Many are stuck in the past and don't see i am evolving away from my uberdubergayness. However that is not my main concern.
I'm stuck between two social archetypes and have no where to go. On a literal level, all the girls dont socialise with me anymore because they don't see me as one of them anymore, and i still find it difficult at times to completely immerse myself in ..'guy world'.
The fact that i'm naturally drifting away from everybody does not help either.

Maybe it's because i am brainwashing myself into thinking that everything is superficial and is not really worth it; I am over analyzing every single detail in my life.

Maybe it's a mix of both.

Maybe i'm just too sensetive.

I don't know. All i know is that life really sucks right now and i'm not sure i can rebuild anything remotely enjoyable that is based around social circles.


Monday, September 21, 2009

Vivienne Westwood

I have never taken her seriously.

After seeing this on the runway this week at the opening of London Fashion Week...


I threw up in my mouth a just little bit more than i usually do.


Friday, September 18, 2009

Yesterdays obsession.

Lyle Lodwick, i have a confession to make. Sorry babe, you're not 'it' anymore.

AJ Abualrub here i come!!
This boy is AMAZING. *sigh*
Being the amazing detective (stalker) i am, i got hold of a picture of his drivers license too.
It's such a cute photo!

PS: If he's listed as 6'2 by his agency and he's actually 6'3, and Matt Gordon is 6'3.. Does that mean Matt is actually 6'4? And if they're high in their 6's, does that make me 5'2? Bittersweet nothings. I HATE MY LIFE.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Oh Hai.

Guess who the new girl on the block this season is?




I'm not even joking.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

So.. Recently,

I've been wondering who actually booked the jobs i didn't.

There aren't many guys that usually are at the same castings i am, as in there aren't many male models around.

So if i didn't book a job, someone i know must have booked it.

So i wonder who booked the editorial and magazine covers, who booked that bloody look book shoot that was f*cking good pay (by good pay i mean work for 4 hours and make more than what a lot of people make for 2 weeks working full time) and who booked the ad campaign which would go up on billboards in Sydney.

I wanted a cover, billboards and money!!

Im hoping to see who gets those bookings. Because.... *stab stab* ;)


PS: Those photographers really can't spell.

PPS: That tub of strawberry shortcake icecream aint helping either.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

What is this.

Did someone say lighter?

The trigger is pulled.
A rush of adrenaline pulses through my brain and rushes through to my arms.
They reach out to a crumpled box
Filled with individually wrapped flakes of delight.

Standing sleepily,
My hands grip around the bars incarcerating me in the room
Swirls of smoke creep out the window.

Such days of youth
Shall be of regret once shadows fall upon my face.
But i don't care.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Im a little slow

I FINALLY get the whole Suvi the slut thing!

Apparently Suvi Koponen lost her virginity to Danny Beuchamp on a flight of stairs backstage some show.

..........Never EVER shall i view Danny Beauchamp in the same way. EVER!!!!


Thats all.

Bread and Butter

As many of you know (well most of you dont), catalogues are a model's bread and butter.

The opportunity for shooting with a suit company paying .. quite a bit (a lot), i shall not disclose the amount, for 4 hours has come up.

..Its situated on Wednesday or Thursday.

Music HSC is on Wednesday. I'm asian. My chances are slim.


Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Plus-size models doing big girls no favours

WHY are we suddenly lavishing love on the larger ladies given that half of all Australians are overweight, and one-fifth of us are morbidly obese? ...

But in what is hailed as a breakthrough for "normal" females, big women are the latest fashion craze.

Indeed, this month's Fashion Week In Melbourne abandoned the usual stick insects for some models who were size 14-18.

It was a breakthrough to see fashion shows using not just ridiculously skinny models that make thin women feel fat.

But was it really a breakthrough for good health?

Let's be honest.

While these women might make us feel better about our bulging butts and guts, the truth is, few women over a size 14 are in a healthy weight range. ...

But there are also many larger people who are just plain fat, and who would be better off being encouraged to lose weight rather than always be told it's okay to be overweight. ...

Let's face it, Australians - like Americans - do not need any encouragement or permission from role models in the media to put on weight. ...

But it's time to get real - fat people may be happier but they're also digging their graves with a fork, and we're all paying for it.

I don't want to just see the latest fashions on models who have to run around in the shower to get wet.

Suzie O'Brien


Confessions confessions

They always lead to numerous hours of pointless contemplation.

Man, you're so fuckin juicy.

In a way, im jealous.
But in a way, I'm also glad I'm not exposing myself to ...others.

Ma shell is as thick as yaw mamas dick, girl!


Monday, September 7, 2009

I get it now..

So that's why my mum would lie to me about how making porn in Australia is illegal...

She didnt want me going on webcam and slutting up with other boys!!!


Who would have thought my first tear sheets would be completely commercial, for educational purposes. I was hoping for um.. a more editorial direction.

At least i got the cover.. right?

Oh well, it was good pay :)


Sunday, September 6, 2009

I wanna...

play touch footy and be freeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Sometimes i feel like Tyra Banks.
"....Tyra Show...!"
" the beginning of my career, it was all about me me me, now i want to help other people...!"
"...Top Model!..."
"...I dressed up as a fat person just to see what it was like!..."


Saturday, September 5, 2009


I just called my father.
He was happy i to hear from me and wanted to do something next week.


New Hair

Cole Mohr ain't got nothin on me!

..okay maybe AFTER i lose that 5kg I've been meaning to for the past few months.

Fatty boom bah ain't too photogenic at the moment.


Friday, September 4, 2009

It's Happening Again

They watch, they laugh, they applaud,
As i perform my delicately constructed routine.
Then they leave.
Some never return,
Yet, there is always one familiar face.

The circle of my life continues.

Have I lost her amidst the crowd?
Is she even there?
Am i, now, yet another circus act?

Dear Jack,

The devils water, it ain't so sweet,
But its fuckin addictive.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

There are certain things you shouldn't say...

...when trying to find work as a model.

Like preach about being against homosexuality


Take a look at his MM page:


Haha. He also preeches about lust and all that shit. His top friend on Model Mayhem is a blonde bimbo skank, who has a fake tan, fake hair and fake boobs, who poses nude with her finger up her pussy.

I'm not pissed he dosent accept homosexuality, people have a right to their own oppinions. It just shits me how he can be so stupid and unproffesional as to put people down on a proffesional networking site, where a large chunk of the people there are possibly gay, with good intentions.


Wednesday, September 2, 2009

How the fuck..

did this:

turn into this:

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Nom Nom

Currently, I'm eating all the lollies that were meant as a thank you gift for the stage band. They should be considered lucky that i didn't down all the Tim Tams and the soft drink too!

Damn these bludgy subjects are costly! I've been buying goodies for all my lovely accompanyists (of course, not that i dont want to hehe).


Just a quick little update on 'ma moddle status!!!!'. I think Ive gone for around 5 American Crew competition casting calls. I dont even have one 'yes'. Oh well, i guess beauty/hair ain't my thing. Leave it to the pretty caucasion boys with perfect bone structures for that.

I'm really aiming for Vivien's once I'm done with the HSC. Its my biggest hope - I'm feeling a bit dodgy about working in China, with the internet filtering and all, hahaha. No i wasnt thinking of looking at other stuff. I meant Facebook! Yes. Facebook is banned in China! It's ridiculous. Im not sure i can survive in a place without Facebook or Youtube.

Can't wait to get some tests done soon though. Out of all the 15 images in my portfolio and the kabajillion i've thrown in the bin, only 4 or 5 are half decent. For my next test, I'm thinking of teaming up with a girlie moddle i know and with photographer extraordinaire Jysla Kay. However that could create interesting results, considering the last time i shot with a female model, we ended up going wayyyy off track creating Twilight shots, with me cracking up in 80% of the images because i can't focus solely on biting a girls neck.


Monday, August 31, 2009

The After-Party

It went all too quickly; i was walking away from the group alone.
Out came the roll of both the cure and the poison. The object flickered out on the floor with a small pop as the soothing scent of death had filled my lungs. However it was hardly satisfying to the seemingly never ending time it took to get back to my own space, with the all too familiar Emilio Pucci print editorials and picture perfect Prada girls staring blankly at me.


It just feels so natural now...

Saturday, August 29, 2009

You Give Me Butterflies

Sitting at home alone, listening to Butterflies by Alicia Keys and reading short stories about the exploration of ones emotions has lead me to question the reality of such an idealistic view of love and whether it is possible to find a partner for life with such high expectations.

HA. Never would i have thought I'd even talk about love in such a way. I guess I can officially call myself a product of society. I should just crawl back up that imaginary runway i slid off and once again immerse myself in superficial nothings in an attempt to refill that void in my soul.


Friday, August 28, 2009

Runway Soundtracks

Some create merely an atmosphere in which the image of a garment can be showcased to the fullest.

Others are so well done, they stir up emotions so deeply embedded in our minds..

There is nothing to see here people keep moving on
Slowly their necks turn and then they're gone
No one cares when the show is done

Standing in line and it's cold and you want to go
Remember a joke so you turn around
There is no one to listen so you laugh by yourself ...

... The crowd on the street walks slowly, don't mind the rain
Lovers hold hands to numb the pain,
Gripping tightly to something that they will never own...

Out of all shows, why Versace? Why sell sex, with such strong undertones of self pity and despair?


Rewatching old footage of the VS 2007 show.

The atmosphere created by the girls

with their tousled barrel curls flowing

to the beat of their every step,

the music,

the chandeliers,

creates a feeling so enticingly nostalgic...

it makes me want to plunder into a world of darkness and never resurface.



Hello world,

You may be wondering why i have decided to put up a blog.

Well, to the very few of you who may be reading this, it's just easier, and maybe more purposeful, to just express my bottled up midnight emotions through words, rather than.. say, a youtube video, which will be watched by about 100 or so ditzy people looking for a cheap thrill. I'll leave youtube for nicely edited footage of my work and possibly special events.

I feel i have so many pointless things i have to express; i sit at home cooped up in front of my computer in contemplation every night. In other words, this blog is probably going to be filled with random depressing bullshit about my life, the stuff you don't see when you're confronted by my perfected facade of plastic.

Of course, thats not to say, that im still not going to post the superficial stuff i choose to immerse myself in on a daily basis. I love it.