Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Sweet Taste of Yesterday

It seems like both trivial and more significant things have become less enjoyable. I don't find as much satisfaction in what used to get me ecstatic.

I believe social dynamics play a large part in this.

Maybe it's because of myself and my environment. I have no where i truly belong to anymore, possibly because i am now a hybrid between femmeboy-fashionfreak and regular guy with straight tendencies.
Many are stuck in the past and don't see i am evolving away from my uberdubergayness. However that is not my main concern.
I'm stuck between two social archetypes and have no where to go. On a literal level, all the girls dont socialise with me anymore because they don't see me as one of them anymore, and i still find it difficult at times to completely immerse myself in ..'guy world'.
The fact that i'm naturally drifting away from everybody does not help either.

Maybe it's because i am brainwashing myself into thinking that everything is superficial and is not really worth it; I am over analyzing every single detail in my life.

Maybe it's a mix of both.

Maybe i'm just too sensetive.

I don't know. All i know is that life really sucks right now and i'm not sure i can rebuild anything remotely enjoyable that is based around social circles.


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